My inactivity

I've been struggling a lot mentally, but I recently started finding comfort in simpler things again as a way to ease my mind (like posting on Flickr) and consequently I’ve reverted back to my blog

I feel guilty for abandoning it and breaking my promise of being consistent, but I choose to give myself some grace this time. I’ve regained some hope in life again

I’d like to start over again and cheer for new beginning and hopefully a warm future!

Why I need Baby, the Stars Shine Bright’s Cards Lace Round Collar Blouse SPECIFICALLY

 

Because I am tall, clothes will obviously fit me differently. I’m always on the lookout for long blouses with long sleeves to accommodate my needs. Lolita brands VERY rarely cater towards individuals with longer bodies/proportions

So when I finally got my hands BABY’s Back Pintuck Blouse I was over the moon. With a length of 55cm paired with a cinched waist and 68cm long sleeves, it’s like she was made with me in mind and I really wish lolita brands made more releases like this

I also wish I didn’t have to obsess over things like these but what’s the point of wearing lolita fashion if I’m not enjoying it? I will keep chasing for my ultimate happiness for the rest of forever

Before, I didn’t care about the length of a blouse since they’d all be hidden under my dress anyways. Until one day I saw a tiktok mutual wear her blouse on top of the dress and something clicked in my brain. I didn’t even realize this was an option and immediately went to try it out. I soon realized I hated the way it looked with all my blouses except for my Back Pintuck who was the perfect candidate, with the length and cinched waist, she sits perfectly on top of my dress and gives a great cute silhouette!

I wore this style happily very often, after a bit I started thinking It would be nice to have this exact same thing but with short sleeves. I spent months looking for something that fits all my criteria. I first started with Taobao but I honestly give up with that platform when it comes to blouses. I already struggled a lot when simply looking for long sleeves that fit me how I like (but I still managed to strike 2 times! I hope for more similar releases in the future)

Then I moved back to BABY because surely the original brand has released something similar to their past products. That’s when I saw her, Cards Lace Round Collar Blouse. I actually teared up when I saw the tiny little preview image on Lolibrary. I couldn’t believe my eyes and quickly went to check the measurements. Check, check, CHECK!

She’s everything I need, and I will spend every waking moment looking for it. I wish I had known about this sooner blouse sooner. Last time this blouse was on sale was a year ago for 47€ on Lacemarket (it’s good to know the secondhand market price is this affordable). I saw someone selling it for around 100€ on Xianyu and that is obviously as overpriced as it can be...

Other regular short sleeve blouses with cinched waists aren’t a good match for me because of their length, not only do they barely cover my belly button, but if I were to try to pair it with a skirt in a way that looks appealing (ie. no huge separation between the blouse and skirt) that would result with me in a high waist look which is the most unflattering thing I could wear on my body

My biggest fear in EGL is high waists. I can’t. But If I have the misfortune of wearing something that sits slightly higher that I would like it to, I’ll opt for a smaller petticoat

The actual length of the dress/skirt doesn’t matter. It’s all about the proportions. I could be wearing a garment that flashes my bloomer covered butt every time I bend over, but as long as it sits closer to my natural waist, the coord will look great and I won’t complain

And of course all of this only applies to my body and how I like to wear my clothes. I think high waists look really cute on other people

With my Back Pintuck and Cards Lace Round Collar Blouse, I’ll have access to the wonderful world of Shirley Temple skirts for all seasons of the year. They are SO cute and so affordable I could obsess over them for hours

Shirley temple skirts are still a somewhat untapped capital in the west, and I hope to keep things that way (gatekeeper vibes but I don’t care)

 

-Cards Lace Round Collar Blouse, my savior, please come find me

Kamikaze Girls - Chapter 2 and 3

I went to the library to continue reading the book yesterday (it’s been so long since chapter one…nearly a month!). I enjoyed it a lot and kept thinking to myself how much I love a small local library. It's a huge safe space of mine and I'm planning on going again today! It's good for me to dress up and go out daily when the weather is so nice...

I'll take my digicam with me I want to take some test footage to see how the videos on it look. I adjusted the settings once, but I was only indoors when I did that. I don't know how it looks outside. Let's find that out today! ^_^ 

20.5

Chapter 2

Momoko’s description of her coord was very interesting. I had to read it multiple times in order to fully envision what she was wearing. The dress sounded very much like the BABY’s Hawase doll OP, but she had some extra accessories on. I might try to draw novel-canon Momoko one day…

I completely agree with her line about Rocking horse shoes

“So aside from my shoes, which are Vivienne Westwood’s Rocking Horse Ballerinas and Lolita must-haves (they go with any Lolita outfit)” Pg. 12-13

Of course you can’t expect a movie to be perfectly accurate to a book but it’s really nice hearing more details about Momoko’s past before she moved to Shimotsuma (from Amagasaki. Pg. 14 ) and what she’s saying makes perfect sense since her father is now a former Yanki himself

Also interesting she already wore lolita fashion clothing before moving to Shimotsuma. Maybe I’m misremembering or just assumed she started sometime after moving. I’ll watch the movie and check this…It’s really nice to read about the lives of the people in Shimotsuma

Update: The timeline in the movie and the book are the same! Momoko discovered lolita fashion in high school when they were still living in Amagasaki

 

Random notes:

I learned new words: clad, “hick” town, hinterland, pastoral

Jane Marple and Milk mentioned!! <3

Rice paddies.

 

Chapter 3

He’d lay around drinking cheap liquor all day, and whenever he managed to scrape some cash together he’d either go to a pachinko parlor or the boat races, idling away his life in the typical loser manner. Pg. 19

KAIJICORE…

Maybe I am misremembering again but I thought the Loser started the counterfeit business himself (according to the movie) but in the book he’s a sub-contractor for the yakuza gang that expelled him (also I don’t remember him getting expelled? I thought he just quit cause he got really scared and realized this life isn’t for him anymore. I’m gonna check all of this when I get home...I’m currently at the library hehe). Pg.20-21

 

Update: He did indeed get expelled from the yakuza for embezzlement! And in the movie he did start the counterfeit business himself. They did mention him getting help then they completely cut off the rest of that, though we soon later see him working with someone from the yakuza but it’s under the same person that expelled him… the business relationship isn’t explained further than that

I like this quote and I agree with her

When great happiness unexpectedly swoops down on people, they suddenly turn into cowards. Snatching happiness takes a lot more courage than enduring unhappiness. Pg. 26

to reach Shimotsuma station on foot from my new residence—Grandmother’s house—takes thirty minutes (okay, twenty if you race-walk). For the students at my new school, this distance is absolutely normal. Pg. 33

To me too that is absolutely normal, Momoko girl you need to step up omg..

I am a Lolita, after all. When I go to school I wear a uniform, so riding a bicycle would not look all that unusual, but at all other times I am dressed as a Lolita, and going around on a bicycle like that, I feel, is in violation of the Lolita code. Pg 34

Ahh I laughed when she said that. I know for her rococo values, the thought of a lolita riding on a bike/bicycle is inconceivable but when I try to think about it, it’s not that bad…I’ve never rode a bike while reading lolita but as long as its one of those with a low top tube it shouldn’t be an issue. But honestly I’d rather walk too because I don’t wanna get all sweaty in my blouse especially if its brand

The lace edging of my petticoats and skirt got caught in the chain and smeared with grease, which never came off. Pg. 34

Hey so reading gave me a physical reaction. New fear added to the lolita list I’ll never get on a bike while in lo unless I'm wearing a SK (or a dress as a skirt)

The real reason I refuse is that no bicycle available for sale tickles my maidenly fancy. No matter how necessary or convenient something may be in terms of daily life, if it 1s not aesthetically pleasing to me, I cannot bring myself to buy it or own it. Pg.34

This is so Momoko! I relate to this partially. There have been some moments where I made sacrifices regarding something because it didn’t match my aesthetic or vision but most of the time I’d eventually give in and take the convenience route

I did discover one site for a place manufacturing and selling penny farthings that looked ridable, but it was in England so the site was—naturally enough—entirely in English and I couldn’t make out the purchasing instructions. So I was unable to buy one over the Internet as well. Pg. 35

AWW I FEEL SO BAD..I WOULDVE HELPED HER GET HER DREAM BICYCLE </3

 

Random notes:

Ah Momoko, I never get tired of you. I love this girl!

Picture of the week - week 9

 I was feeling extremely suicidal that week. I couldn't stop thinking about ways to end my life and I freaked out and went no contact for a few days.

Someone in my com had suggested a meetup at a Fazer café. At this point I haven't showered, left the house or talked to anyone in a few days but I kept telling myself "I should go. I'll see friends and I'll smile" It motivated me to get up and get ready. It wasn't bad I ended up having a good time.

Saturday there was a Japan-day even at the city library. My friend had invited me a while ago and I wrote it down in my calendar

16/5/26 15:03

I briefly thought about bailing on that too, but I kept reminding myself I'm gonna have a good time...The weather was perfect how could I not go out when the sun is calling for me?

16/5/26 15:04

We ended up having a really good time together. She’s so kind and innocent and understanding. It honestly felt like a perfect day. We took lots of pictures with my digicam, went to the cute café nearby and got approached by kind strangers. This little girl complimented my dress said she liked lolita fashion. Since we were near the youth section and I took her to where the GLBs were. Later that she came up to me again to thank you! She was so polite aww omg…I'm really happy I was able to softlaunch her lolita journey I hope she'll love EGL as much as I do

16/5/26 15:12

I know it’s hard, but I have to keep looking forward to good days like these. I have to remind myself that feelings are like clouds. The bad clouds, the storms, they will always pass no matter what…Clear blue skies are waiting for me

I have to be strong and hold onto that feeing

Picture of the week - week 8

I don't have much to say, I'm just waiting for time to pass. I really hope evrything will be okay in the future. My energy levels have been so low

10/5/26 21:38

I really enjoyed drawing this last night, looking at it makes me so happy. Kaiji and I look so good together!

Picture of the week - week 6

 I'm too tired to write about this week. I don't remember much besides failing an exam. I'm gonna redo it on the 15th.

I don't feel like I can get anything done

25/04/26 17:50

I've been getting a lot of comfort from Spongebob. It makes me happy when my friends send me Spongebob posts. Hes my friend and I strive to be more like him

I was thinking to myself, I should write down on paper positive things people have said about me, as many as I can. Cut them into pieces and put them in a box. Everyday I pull out one compliment and let it carry me through the day

That would be nice

Kamikaze Girls - Chapter 1

I started a small, two-person book club with a mutual on TikTok! I proposed to her that we read the book chapter by chapter (every time there’s a dropped capital) then we discuss the book and could compare it to the movie as well.

I'm really happy the English version was finally scanned and uploaded on the Internet Archive! Thank you kind stranger...I've wanted to read this for a very long time, and I'm interested in Novala Takemoto's other works too. More specifically Soleilnuit: For Becoming a Proper Young Lady and Emily (2002).

A story about a girl who loves Emily Temple Cute, you cannot tell me that’s not made for me...Novala gets me like no one else. The characters are also otaku nerds that struggle with bullying and worry about their future. I really wanna know more about their friendship

(Actually as I was writing this, via the Internet Archive I found website where someone has translated all the essays from Soleilnuit!)

She said she needs to do some studies so I'm not sure how often she will read and how much effort she'll put into this. We didn't set any expectations, I don't want to pressure her either.

I'd like to share my thoughts, quotes and notes for each chapter. I don't know how many there are. I’m really happy and excited to embark on this new journey!

24.4

Overall I find this chapter very inspiring, all the lines about choosing to do only what matters to you most, what pleases you.

Prizing elegance, sweet emotions, and fantasy more than morals and truth; wallowing in fleeting romance rather than trying to give meaning to life, when who knows what's going to happen to you anyway; ignoring virtue and conventions to cherish only the pleasures you are definitely experiencing now: this is the Cocoro of Rococo (a little pun in Japanese, if you please. Cocoro means “spirit”). Pg.7

I love the punk rock line, I agree being a lolita is totally punk, going by your own rules no matter what society thinks, and also the sustainable aspect/values of the subculture

And even if something is made just for laughs, if you find it pleasing, it has value. Other people’s opinions and labor do not figure into your assessment; choosing things with your own personal sense of “I like this, I don’t like that” is the ultimate individualism that sustains the very foundation of Rococo. Rococo, therefore, embodies the spirit of punk rock and anarchism more than any philosophy. Only in Rococo—elegant yet in bad taste, extravagant yet defiant and lawless—can I discover the meaning of life. pg.7

The line about a baby’s first laugh was funny but soon after she said that people often their forget their promise and start to follow societies rules when they’re older… that hit me.

[…] the baby thinks, if you're saying I have to live in this crazy world, I’ve got my own ideas. I won't kick up a big fuss now because that’s just embarrassing, but I will take the liberty of ignoring the rules for living quietly, and do whatever the hell I want.

[…]

Most people, however, forget that decision over time as they grow up. And before they know it, they are following all the rules and conventions they vowed to ignore. But there exists a small minority of people who do not forget the vow they made when they first laughed. Pg.7-8

I must’ve forgotten my vow when I was younger…hard. But I’m glad I’ve found my way back home. I want to be that small minority for the rest of my days!

Lolita is defined as a type of street fashion known only in Japan. But for me, Lolita goes far beyond fashion and serves as my unwavering, absolute personal policy. Pg.8

Amen!­­­­­­­­­­

Her talk about people in the Rococo period doing the nasty and it not being something shameful, just a part of (her description of) the rococo lifestyle, makes me think Momoko would be in support of ero lolita. She understands the substyle isn’t trying to sexualize lolita fashion in anyway. It’s just to allow people for more freedom and self-expression. This all aligns with her quotes from earlier.

Deeper into the night, you do the nasty. For people of the Rococo era, doing the nasty was not shameful, but more like a game, or even a kind of sport. Pg.10

Momoko’s romanticized and idealized version of the Rococo period is very entertaining. I wonder where she got all her information from? I think there’s some facts mixed in there alongside her daydreams and fantasies about the life of a noble in the Rococo period.

The whole time reading this chapter I thought to myself “she’s so funny” but Momoko is dead serious, this is her unwavering truth. I like exploring her mind like this, I really like her monologue in the movie and I’m super happy to be able to get more insight on her thoughts about the life of a lolita. I liked it when she briefly broke the 4^th wall, I wonder if there’ll be more moments like these? (I hope so!)

I admire her philosophy. Momoko is such an interesting girl, and I want to be a little more like her.

 

Random notes:

I didn’t know Momoko wore corsets!

I also learned a new words: frivolous, disdain