Picture of the week - week 6

 I'm too tired to write about this week. I don't remember much besides failing an exam. I'm gonna redo it on the 15th.

I don't feel like I can get anything done

25/04/26 17:50

I've been getting a lot of comfort from Spongebob. It makes me happy when my friends send me Spongebob posts. Hes my friend and I strive to be more like him

I was thinking to myself, I should write down on paper positive things people have said about me, as many as I can. Cut them into pieces and put them in a box. Everyday I pull out one compliment and let it carry me through the day

That would be nice

Kamikaze Girls - Chapter 1

I started a small, two-person book club with a mutual on TikTok! I proposed to her that we read the book chapter by chapter (every time there’s a dropped capital) then we discuss the book and could compare it to the movie as well.

I'm really happy the English version was finally scanned and uploaded on the Internet Archive! Thank you kind stranger...I've wanted to read this for a very long time, and I'm interested in Novala Takemoto's other works too. More specifically Soleilnuit: For Becoming a Proper Young Lady and Emily (2002).

A story about a girl who loves Emily Temple Cute, you cannot tell me that’s not made for me...Novala gets me like no one else. The characters are also otaku nerds that struggle with bullying and worry about their future. I really wanna know more about their friendship

(Actually as I was writing this, via the Internet Archive I found website where someone has translated all the essays from Soleilnuit!)

She said she needs to do some studies so I'm not sure how often she will read and how much effort she'll put into this. We didn't set any expectations, I don't want to pressure her either.

I'd like to share my thoughts, quotes and notes for each chapter. I don't know how many there are. I’m really happy and excited to embark on this new journey!

24.4

Overall I find this chapter very inspiring, all the lines about choosing to do only what matters to you most, what pleases you.

Prizing elegance, sweet emotions, and fantasy more than morals and truth; wallowing in fleeting romance rather than trying to give meaning to life, when who knows what's going to happen to you anyway; ignoring virtue and conventions to cherish only the pleasures you are definitely experiencing now: this is the Cocoro of Rococo (a little pun in Japanese, if you please. Cocoro means “spirit”). Pg.7

I love the punk rock line, I agree being a lolita is totally punk, going by your own rules no matter what society thinks, and also the sustainable aspect/values of the subculture

And even if something is made just for laughs, if you find it pleasing, it has value. Other people’s opinions and labor do not figure into your assessment; choosing things with your own personal sense of “I like this, I don’t like that” is the ultimate individualism that sustains the very foundation of Rococo. Rococo, therefore, embodies the spirit of punk rock and anarchism more than any philosophy. Only in Rococo—elegant yet in bad taste, extravagant yet defiant and lawless—can I discover the meaning of life. pg.7

The line about a baby’s first laugh was funny but soon after she said that people often their forget their promise and start to follow societies rules when they’re older… that hit me.

[…] the baby thinks, if you're saying I have to live in this crazy world, I’ve got my own ideas. I won't kick up a big fuss now because that’s just embarrassing, but I will take the liberty of ignoring the rules for living quietly, and do whatever the hell I want.

[…]

Most people, however, forget that decision over time as they grow up. And before they know it, they are following all the rules and conventions they vowed to ignore. But there exists a small minority of people who do not forget the vow they made when they first laughed. Pg.7-8

I must’ve forgotten my vow when I was younger…hard. But I’m glad I’ve found my way back home. I want to be that small minority for the rest of my days!

Lolita is defined as a type of street fashion known only in Japan. But for me, Lolita goes far beyond fashion and serves as my unwavering, absolute personal policy. Pg.8

Amen!­­­­­­­­­­

Her talk about people in the Rococo period doing the nasty and it not being something shameful, just a part of (her description of) the rococo lifestyle, makes me think Momoko would be in support of ero lolita. She understands the substyle isn’t trying to sexualize lolita fashion in anyway. It’s just to allow people for more freedom and self-expression. This all aligns with her quotes from earlier.

Deeper into the night, you do the nasty. For people of the Rococo era, doing the nasty was not shameful, but more like a game, or even a kind of sport. Pg.10

Momoko’s romanticized and idealized version of the Rococo period is very entertaining. I wonder where she got all her information from? I think there’s some facts mixed in there alongside her daydreams and fantasies about the life of a noble in the Rococo period.

The whole time reading this chapter I thought to myself “she’s so funny” but Momoko is dead serious, this is her unwavering truth. I like exploring her mind like this, I really like her monologue in the movie and I’m super happy to be able to get more insight on her thoughts about the life of a lolita. I liked it when she briefly broke the 4^th wall, I wonder if there’ll be more moments like these? (I hope so!)

I admire her philosophy. Momoko is such an interesting girl, and I want to be a little more like her.

 

Random notes:

I didn’t know Momoko wore corsets!

I also learned a new words: frivolous, disdain

Picture of the week - week 5 / Ramble

I’m aware today is friday, I feel disappointed because I promised myself I’d be consistent with my POTW series, but I’ve just been so stressed this week. A few days ago it felt like the end of the world. Time keeps passing by so fast and I just can't bring myself to do anything productive. I wrote a small rant on my story and I wanna share it here too. I was awakened by what this person said during a street interview

I feel her so hard I genuinely cannot lock in on anything for years I procrastinate I half ass everything and cut corners as much I can I mess up every opportunity and second chance I get and when something bad eventually happens I cry and wonder why I didn’t put in any afford and promise to do better I live with the consequences then my mental health gets somewhat stable and I do it all over again and again I’m scared to ask for help because I will act and to not deliver on my promises even with the people I love I don’t show up I give myself way too much grace for my lackluster behavior part of me feels selfish I do nothing to change it I keep telling myself that I’m trying my best but it feels like a lie but my mind is just so exhausted all the time it wasn’t so bad with mom because she would check up on me and the same and I don’t want my behavior to affect other people I always try to convince myself why it’s okay for me to give up remind me to do things but now that I’m alone I’m spiraling back down to my self-isolation my living standards get lower and lower everyday part of me has grown to accept this I don’t feel like I’m able to change

I entered a flow state and wrote everything in one block. I think posting this in public (even if its just a private account) changed something in me a little. I feel like I actually want to try now that others know about my situation…

19/04/26 13:09

Last Friday I received my Taobao order! I was super excited about my new coord and the felt dolls I commissioned

I felt so good wearing my new clothes! EGL euphoria…It’s truly so beautiful.

The next day I decided to go out with my new coord. I was surprised how beautiful and sunny and warm it was outside. I didn’t even need to wear my fleece tights. I felt a little nervous for some reason. Probably because it was the first time after a while that I go out without a coat covering up my coord. I didn’t go far just the little garden down the hill, I really wanted to record clips with my new coord, I also brought Kaiji with me of course

There were two girls sitting across from me, I felt their eyes on me but at this point I should be used to this plus It’s not good for me to assume the worst thing, so I just focused on what I came to do

When I finally sat down, one of the girls approached me, she complimented me and asked where I got my clothes from. I got really excited and explained everything to her! After a bit she came back with a whole pack of cookies. I was hesitating because there was so much left inside but she insisted on giving them to me

At that point I realized the universe was trying to help me out

My mental health had been in a horrible state the previous days and I was genuinely wondering how I could keep going, I needed to hold on a little longer

I wasn’t out for long, but that day felt incredible, I really needed this

I also got a lot of lovely compliments from my friends on Instagram when I posted my new coord on Instagram…

At that point I was thinking maybe life is worth living. I need to keep chasing and looking forward to these beautiful moments

I’m having some troubles with uni assignments, but I don’t feel like writing about that

bye

20/04/26
selfie from my laptop
I wanna take more of these

Picture of the week - week 4

Another quiet week passed, I haven't done anything major. I got really stressed and depressed at one point cause I'm trying really hard to save money for a new phone screen. I was actually writing a blog about my budgeting plans and everything went well until Kela took my last 30€. I had only a few cents of available money (the rest were my savings for the Kaiji fumo)

But then my mom miraculously sent me money, I didn't expect her to do it so early. I thought she'd do it sometime after buying my return ticket. Bless her...I thanked the Chiikawa money shrine too, I already believed in it wholeheartedly but my faith is even stronger now (I wanna think of ways to expand it)

Im gonna paste in my blog draft from last week:

I’m having a lot of money troubles right now… I don’t mind being unemployed I love my excessive free time so much and it isn’t so bad because mom and dad send me money

But troubles keep finding their way towards me. Constantly

I always end up overcoming everything…I think that’s one of my strong points, but it gets to a point…

I’m exhausted and tired of always having problems

Currently my main phone’s screen is broken and honestly unusable. It’s been broken for a long time now

First I fell down some stairs in Tracon 2025, my phone flew in the air and a part of the screen on the right went all black and the coloring went all whiteish

Then it shattered on my way to Desucon Frostbite, I forgot it was on my lap, the screen broke and black spots appeared all over but that was still manageable

The screen was already very weak at this point, but I could still use my phone. Getting the screen replaced wasn’t a priority and I thought about telling my parents later. (in fact I was hiding my broken screen for a long time from my parents but that ended seeing, he didn’t comment but that made me really mad)

Now during our Hesburger trip at Tampere Kuplii my phone mysteriously slipped off my lap, it shattered again and the screen is full of vertical lines and obstruct nearly all visibility,

I don’t understand what the heck is this con curse???

When I first checked the price of a screen replacement it was 100€ but today it’s down to 80€ which I'm really happy about. I’m too scared to ask my parents for money. Dad is scary and mom is trying to buy my return ticket from our Paris trip so I’m trying really hard to save up the monthly allowance dad gives me

I did some groceries the other day and I currently have 7,84€ to survive ‘till the end of the month. If I can pull this off I could get my screen replaced when I receive the money from Kela.

Of course I’m hoping for a miracle to happen between this time frame, especially with my Chiikawa money shrine, please bless me again…

I have 75€ saved up that I absolutely cannot touch. That money is reserved for the Kaiji fumo commission. I have no Idea when I’ll need to pay for the doll but I’d rather have the money available at all times.

In the future I’m gonna re-read this blog post and think about how dumb I am…

A miracle did happed. Good for her. Let's hope the future goes well.

Okay now to the main subject, the picture of the week

I started yumeshipping with princess peach too. I slowly started to like her ever since I bought this plushie from Kitsunecon (originally a gift for my little sister, but I took it back cause she has so many toys already...) I was attached to Peach the moment I brought her home and already started to like her.

I was thinking about yumeshipping with Peach and I made it official cause I wanted to encourage a twin on tiktok to start yumeshipping too! I haven't written any lore yet but for my self insert I was thinking I'd make myself a fairy 

10/04/26 09:48

I was looking at Princess Peach fanart with Peachie and Kaiji and I found this one korean person on twitter who draws her so beautifully omg. Then we ran into a little Peach plushie, immediately I grabbed my digicam and I was like "I want this to be the picture of the week"

This is so cute I can't...!!!

Hopefully the following weeks I'm able to take outdoorsy pictures too. I don't have anything planned but yeah...

P.S. I got a message from the doll maker, they have an important exam and need to focus on their studies during this month of April. I mentioned my Paris trip and that I'd love to take Kaiji along with me. They said that the doll will be done within May. Genuinely don't fucking do this to me please....bye now...

Picture of the week - week 3

Since I didn’t do much last week, I have very few pictures. I selected this one of Mario and Luigi because they look so cute! I don’t remember feeling a particular way in the moment but looking at my Nintendo shelf makes me really happy! Maybe I’ll try collecting more stuff in the future

05/04/26 10:01

I honestly don’t remember much from the previous week, besides the few classes I had, I’ve just been isolating myself, I didn’t end up going home for the holiday like I mentioned in a previous blog post. Mentally and socially I'm exhausted. It feels like I’m stuck in a time loop… I keep trying to remind myself of reasons to keep going so I’ll list them down here

 

My superbuy package that’s currently on the way:

I have to remember the new items that are waiting for me! A whole black and white old school lolita coord…At some point I was so happy thinking about it I cried…I need to hold onto that feeling. I was especially excited for the bxw striped socks, I’ve been meaning to buy a pair since last year! And of course there’s also the two little felt dolls of me and Kaiji I commissioned! I can’t wait to take lots of pictures of us awhh <3

 

My Kaiji fumo doll commission:

Kaiji hasn’t met Asuka yet, He’s a really cute plushie and I think they would look great together once I get that Kaiji fumo! And I’m really excited for the Kaiji nunu too! I’ve been thinking about commissioning a nunu for a long time and when that doll maker offered to make me one as a gift it was so unexpected, I’m so happy! At some point I was thinking about drawing a a custom nunu pattern of me and Kaiji and have more cute little dolls of us~ but it’s probably better to just commission someone else so they can get the pattern accurate without any mistakes.

 

Hypecon:

Not only is it a super fun con where you get to meet so many people but it also means a lot to me, Hypecon 2025 marked my life a lot and so many things have changed for the better ever since then (although Shumicon is where the turning point officially happened). I wanna have fun and play!!

 

Summer:

Theres a lot I wanna do this summer. I want to record more old school videos (especially with my new bxw os sweet lolita coord). I want to go out with my friends, play and get drunk (even thought right now I’m trying to stay sober in order to save up money for more lolita fashion purchases in the furure. Today I'm 10 days sober but realistically I won’t be able to decline free alcohol…

Also the trip to Paris with mom. She planned for us to go to a lot of different restaurants! And like i mentioned in my previous post, I want to visit the Angelic Pretty store, the cute crêpe restaurant and other geek stores with Kaiji and Peach and take a ton of pictures in different locations.

 

Miscellaneous:

I wanna visit that one friend again and make cute bracelets with him…Currently I have one that says KAICE and the other K G. I can’t wait to make more! I want one that says KAIJI and one that says PEACH. LOL I should make one that says EGL4EVER

 

This is all I can think of for now. Obviously it's most ideal if this list keeps growing and expanding…

Today's thoughts / ramble

Kind of an extra addition to my lolita new year's resolution: I should start attending more lolita meet ups. I finally have a local community but I still spend most of my time alone in my room

To be fair, I can't attend meets mostly because I don't have money, but they sometimes organize free activities too. What's stopping me from going to those?

I remember I used to internally complain a lot about not having a social circle or friends in general and desperately tried to seek real connections, even mom (who likes it when I stay inside) would ask me why I'm not outside with any friends. She often tried to encourage me to invite someone to hang out with but I always turned her down

Even after finding people, I can't help but slowly pull myself away and go back to my self isolating habits. It's like I'm throwing everything good coming my way out the window. I hate myself for this

The only times I do some real face to face socialization is when I visit my hometown and see my friends and family. The other times are at anime conventions, but both of those are things that happen periodically

I don't have anyone socialize with in my daily life. The most I do is talk to teachers and classmates in uni. I don't have any friends in my classes except for 1 girl maybe, but we never really meet outside of campus. We went to see the Demon Slayer Infinity Castle movie together. Sometimes the only person I talk to in my day is the Lidl employee at the cash register

"En tarvii kuittii"

"Kiitos!"

28/03/26 12:25

I actually talk to Kaiji more than anyone else (I also started talking to Princess Peach recently, I call her Peachie!)

Peachie has brought me a lot of comfort recently, I always hug her when I sleep. Every night with these two feels like a sleepover! I really love having them with me

I wish I could bring Peachie to uni with me but I'm really afraid of looking weird and dumb. A part of me doesn't care but at the same time a part of me does. If I saw someone walking out with their comfort plush, that would make me happy. I need to reach a higher level of carefreeness in this life

I think if I were to do that at a nerd centered event or place I wouldn't be embarrassed to carry a plush with me. Like in anime conventions. I really enjoyed posing with Peachie at Tracon (and she even got to pose with Orange Blossom! Teehee~)

I think my mom doesn't care when I hang around at home with a plush (At least she never said anything about Kaiji). I don't think she ever cared about my weird and quirky sides, which I appreciate a lot

I'm thinking who else should I bring to my Paris trip. I don't know if my Kaiji fumo and nunu will be done by then but I'll definitely bring the felt dolls of us!

I can't wait to go to Angelic Pretty Paris with Kaiji and make this drawing come true! I really want to be able to wear lolita and take a lot of cute pictures on our day trip. I also wanna visit Princess Crêpe and other otaku spots

*checks tiktok*

Apparently there's Boulevard Voltaire that has a lot of those type of anime and geek stores that I'm looking for. I'm not sure about our schedule while in France but hopefully we'll have time to allow for at least 1 day trip between me and mom

At this point mom has accepted me wearing lolita fashion, but I wonder how others in our family will react. Ultimately I don't care but I'm really scared mom might be against it cause she thinks it's embarrassing in front of others...Of course I'll fight against it but I don't want this situation to happen in the first place. I'm really excited for this summer

color looks way better irl
or maybe this is a different
shade of the same product

There's two people met during Desucon Frostbite 2026. I was admiring both of their ita bags because of how fun and adorable they were! One the bags was a cute pastel green color and it inspired me a lot!

I've been thinking about making a Kaiji ita bag but I was struggling with the color. I wanted it to match with my wardrobe (like pink or white) but I also really wanted it to be green

With the lace trim on the bag, we can still match together! (◕‿◕)♡

07/03/26 14:30

Turns out one of them lives in the same city as me! Hopefully we can hang out soon together once I have enough money. There's also the new anime theme cafe that opened here. I was SO excited when I first read they were opening in my city. I was there during opening day and was able to meet new people, I'm really happy

I'll try to be there on the first day again once the new theme is out. If I can't make it that day then meeting up with some people in my local comm is a good idea too!  (ˆ ³ ˆ)~♥ 

Today I was also thinking about buying one of those pretty pin holders, glue a clip at the back and wear it on my head with a Kaiji pin on it. I got SO excited thinking about this today, even now as I'm writing this I can feel my heart racing!

I was inspired by a reel I saw, someone sew lace in a circle to make a hairclip where you can attachment brooches. So freaking cute!!!

I'm not a fan of the lace here but I want something similar to this. Right now I'm thinking how big the badge holder should be. I think I want it to be more like a hair pin on the side than something that really covers a part of my head

I was thinking if I should buy an official pin or make my own. I'll probably just make my own. There's still that one drawing I haven't finished that I already planned to turn into pins for an ita bag. I swear I'll speedrun my art projects once I get a new tablet!