Kamikaze Girls - Chapter 2 and 3

I went to the library to continue reading the book yesterday (it’s been so long since chapter one…nearly a month!). I enjoyed it a lot and kept thinking to myself how much I love a small local library. It's a huge safe space of mine and I'm planning on going again today! It's good for me to dress up and go out daily when the weather is so nice...

I'll take my digicam with me I want to take some test footage to see how the videos on it look. I adjusted the settings once, but I was only indoors when I did that. I don't know how it looks outside. Let's find that out today! ^_^ 

20.5

Chapter 2

Momoko’s description of her coord was very interesting. I had to read it multiple times in order to fully envision what she was wearing. The dress sounded very much like the BABY’s Hawase doll OP, but she had some extra accessories on. I might try to draw novel-canon Momoko one day…

I completely agree with her line about Rocking horse shoes

“So aside from my shoes, which are Vivienne Westwood’s Rocking Horse Ballerinas and Lolita must-haves (they go with any Lolita outfit)” Pg. 12-13

Of course you can’t expect a movie to be perfectly accurate to a book but it’s really nice hearing more details about Momoko’s past before she moved to Shimotsuma (from Amagasaki. Pg. 14 ) and what she’s saying makes perfect sense since her father is now a former Yanki himself

Also interesting she already wore lolita fashion clothing before moving to Shimotsuma. Maybe I’m misremembering or just assumed she started sometime after moving. I’ll watch the movie and check this…It’s really nice to read about the lives of the people in Shimotsuma

Update: The timeline in the movie and the book are the same! Momoko discovered lolita fashion in high school when they were still living in Amagasaki

 

Random notes:

I learned new words: clad, “hick” town, hinterland, pastoral

Jane Marple and Milk mentioned!! <3

Rice paddies.

 

Chapter 3

He’d lay around drinking cheap liquor all day, and whenever he managed to scrape some cash together he’d either go to a pachinko parlor or the boat races, idling away his life in the typical loser manner. Pg. 19

KAIJICORE…

Maybe I am misremembering again but I thought the Loser started the counterfeit business himself (according to the movie) but in the book he’s a sub-contractor for the yakuza gang that expelled him (also I don’t remember him getting expelled? I thought he just quit cause he got really scared and realized this life isn’t for him anymore. I’m gonna check all of this when I get home...I’m currently at the library hehe). Pg.20-21

 

Update: He did indeed get expelled from the yakuza for embezzlement! And in the movie he did start the counterfeit business himself. They did mention him getting help then they completely cut off the rest of that, though we soon later see him working with someone from the yakuza but it’s under the same person that expelled him… the business relationship isn’t explained further than that

I like this quote and I agree with her

When great happiness unexpectedly swoops down on people, they suddenly turn into cowards. Snatching happiness takes a lot more courage than enduring unhappiness. Pg. 26

to reach Shimotsuma station on foot from my new residence—Grandmother’s house—takes thirty minutes (okay, twenty if you race-walk). For the students at my new school, this distance is absolutely normal. Pg. 33

To me too that is absolutely normal, Momoko girl you need to step up omg..

I am a Lolita, after all. When I go to school I wear a uniform, so riding a bicycle would not look all that unusual, but at all other times I am dressed as a Lolita, and going around on a bicycle like that, I feel, is in violation of the Lolita code. Pg 34

Ahh I laughed when she said that. I know for her rococo values, the thought of a lolita riding on a bike/bicycle is inconceivable but when I try to think about it, it’s not that bad…I’ve never rode a bike while reading lolita but as long as its one of those with a low top tube it shouldn’t be an issue. But honestly I’d rather walk too because I don’t wanna get all sweaty in my blouse especially if its brand

The lace edging of my petticoats and skirt got caught in the chain and smeared with grease, which never came off. Pg. 34

Hey so reading gave me a physical reaction. New fear added to the lolita list I’ll never get on a bike while in lo unless I'm wearing a SK (or a dress as a skirt)

The real reason I refuse is that no bicycle available for sale tickles my maidenly fancy. No matter how necessary or convenient something may be in terms of daily life, if it 1s not aesthetically pleasing to me, I cannot bring myself to buy it or own it. Pg.34

This is so Momoko! I relate to this partially. There have been some moments where I made sacrifices regarding something because it didn’t match my aesthetic or vision but most of the time I’d eventually give in and take the convenience route

I did discover one site for a place manufacturing and selling penny farthings that looked ridable, but it was in England so the site was—naturally enough—entirely in English and I couldn’t make out the purchasing instructions. So I was unable to buy one over the Internet as well. Pg. 35

AWW I FEEL SO BAD..I WOULDVE HELPED HER GET HER DREAM BICYCLE </3

 

Random notes:

Ah Momoko, I never get tired of you. I love this girl!

Picture of the week - week 9

 I was feeling extremely suicidal that week. I couldn't stop thinking about ways to end my life and I freaked out and went no contact for a few days.

Someone in my com had suggested a meetup at a Fazer café. At this point I haven't showered, left the house or talked to anyone in a few days but I kept telling myself "I should go. I'll see friends and I'll smile" It motivated me to get up and get ready. It wasn't bad I ended up having a good time.

Saturday there was a Japan-day even at the city library. My friend had invited me a while ago and I wrote it down in my calendar

16/5/26 15:03

I briefly thought about bailing on that too, but I kept reminding myself I'm gonna have a good time...The weather was perfect how could I not go out when the sun is calling for me?

16/5/26 15:04

We ended up having a really good time together. She’s so kind and innocent and understanding. It honestly felt like a perfect day. We took lots of pictures with my digicam, went to the cute café nearby and got approached by kind strangers. This little girl complimented my dress said she liked lolita fashion. Since we were near the youth section and I took her to where the GLBs were. Later that she came up to me again to thank you! She was so polite aww omg…I'm really happy I was able to softlaunch her lolita journey I hope she'll love EGL as much as I do

16/5/26 15:12

I know it’s hard, but I have to keep looking forward to good days like these. I have to remind myself that feelings are like clouds. The bad clouds, the storms, they will always pass no matter what…Clear blue skies are waiting for me

I have to be strong and hold onto that feeing

Picture of the week - week 8

I don't have much to say, I'm just waiting for time to pass. I really hope evrything will be okay in the future. My energy levels have been so low

10/5/26 21:38

I really enjoyed drawing this last night, looking at it makes me so happy. Kaiji and I look so good together!

Picture of the week - week 6

 I'm too tired to write about this week. I don't remember much besides failing an exam. I'm gonna redo it on the 15th.

I don't feel like I can get anything done

25/04/26 17:50

I've been getting a lot of comfort from Spongebob. It makes me happy when my friends send me Spongebob posts. Hes my friend and I strive to be more like him

I was thinking to myself, I should write down on paper positive things people have said about me, as many as I can. Cut them into pieces and put them in a box. Everyday I pull out one compliment and let it carry me through the day

That would be nice

Kamikaze Girls - Chapter 1

I started a small, two-person book club with a mutual on TikTok! I proposed to her that we read the book chapter by chapter (every time there’s a dropped capital) then we discuss the book and could compare it to the movie as well.

I'm really happy the English version was finally scanned and uploaded on the Internet Archive! Thank you kind stranger...I've wanted to read this for a very long time, and I'm interested in Novala Takemoto's other works too. More specifically Soleilnuit: For Becoming a Proper Young Lady and Emily (2002).

A story about a girl who loves Emily Temple Cute, you cannot tell me that’s not made for me...Novala gets me like no one else. The characters are also otaku nerds that struggle with bullying and worry about their future. I really wanna know more about their friendship

(Actually as I was writing this, via the Internet Archive I found website where someone has translated all the essays from Soleilnuit!)

She said she needs to do some studies so I'm not sure how often she will read and how much effort she'll put into this. We didn't set any expectations, I don't want to pressure her either.

I'd like to share my thoughts, quotes and notes for each chapter. I don't know how many there are. I’m really happy and excited to embark on this new journey!

24.4

Overall I find this chapter very inspiring, all the lines about choosing to do only what matters to you most, what pleases you.

Prizing elegance, sweet emotions, and fantasy more than morals and truth; wallowing in fleeting romance rather than trying to give meaning to life, when who knows what's going to happen to you anyway; ignoring virtue and conventions to cherish only the pleasures you are definitely experiencing now: this is the Cocoro of Rococo (a little pun in Japanese, if you please. Cocoro means “spirit”). Pg.7

I love the punk rock line, I agree being a lolita is totally punk, going by your own rules no matter what society thinks, and also the sustainable aspect/values of the subculture

And even if something is made just for laughs, if you find it pleasing, it has value. Other people’s opinions and labor do not figure into your assessment; choosing things with your own personal sense of “I like this, I don’t like that” is the ultimate individualism that sustains the very foundation of Rococo. Rococo, therefore, embodies the spirit of punk rock and anarchism more than any philosophy. Only in Rococo—elegant yet in bad taste, extravagant yet defiant and lawless—can I discover the meaning of life. pg.7

The line about a baby’s first laugh was funny but soon after she said that people often their forget their promise and start to follow societies rules when they’re older… that hit me.

[…] the baby thinks, if you're saying I have to live in this crazy world, I’ve got my own ideas. I won't kick up a big fuss now because that’s just embarrassing, but I will take the liberty of ignoring the rules for living quietly, and do whatever the hell I want.

[…]

Most people, however, forget that decision over time as they grow up. And before they know it, they are following all the rules and conventions they vowed to ignore. But there exists a small minority of people who do not forget the vow they made when they first laughed. Pg.7-8

I must’ve forgotten my vow when I was younger…hard. But I’m glad I’ve found my way back home. I want to be that small minority for the rest of my days!

Lolita is defined as a type of street fashion known only in Japan. But for me, Lolita goes far beyond fashion and serves as my unwavering, absolute personal policy. Pg.8

Amen!­­­­­­­­­­

Her talk about people in the Rococo period doing the nasty and it not being something shameful, just a part of (her description of) the rococo lifestyle, makes me think Momoko would be in support of ero lolita. She understands the substyle isn’t trying to sexualize lolita fashion in anyway. It’s just to allow people for more freedom and self-expression. This all aligns with her quotes from earlier.

Deeper into the night, you do the nasty. For people of the Rococo era, doing the nasty was not shameful, but more like a game, or even a kind of sport. Pg.10

Momoko’s romanticized and idealized version of the Rococo period is very entertaining. I wonder where she got all her information from? I think there’s some facts mixed in there alongside her daydreams and fantasies about the life of a noble in the Rococo period.

The whole time reading this chapter I thought to myself “she’s so funny” but Momoko is dead serious, this is her unwavering truth. I like exploring her mind like this, I really like her monologue in the movie and I’m super happy to be able to get more insight on her thoughts about the life of a lolita. I liked it when she briefly broke the 4^th wall, I wonder if there’ll be more moments like these? (I hope so!)

I admire her philosophy. Momoko is such an interesting girl, and I want to be a little more like her.

 

Random notes:

I didn’t know Momoko wore corsets!

I also learned a new words: frivolous, disdain

Picture of the week - week 5 / Ramble

I’m aware today is friday, I feel disappointed because I promised myself I’d be consistent with my POTW series, but I’ve just been so stressed this week. A few days ago it felt like the end of the world. Time keeps passing by so fast and I just can't bring myself to do anything productive. I wrote a small rant on my story and I wanna share it here too. I was awakened by what this person said during a street interview

I feel her so hard I genuinely cannot lock in on anything for years I procrastinate I half ass everything and cut corners as much I can I mess up every opportunity and second chance I get and when something bad eventually happens I cry and wonder why I didn’t put in any afford and promise to do better I live with the consequences then my mental health gets somewhat stable and I do it all over again and again I’m scared to ask for help because I will act and to not deliver on my promises even with the people I love I don’t show up I give myself way too much grace for my lackluster behavior part of me feels selfish I do nothing to change it I keep telling myself that I’m trying my best but it feels like a lie but my mind is just so exhausted all the time it wasn’t so bad with mom because she would check up on me and the same and I don’t want my behavior to affect other people I always try to convince myself why it’s okay for me to give up remind me to do things but now that I’m alone I’m spiraling back down to my self-isolation my living standards get lower and lower everyday part of me has grown to accept this I don’t feel like I’m able to change

I entered a flow state and wrote everything in one block. I think posting this in public (even if its just a private account) changed something in me a little. I feel like I actually want to try now that others know about my situation…

19/04/26 13:09

Last Friday I received my Taobao order! I was super excited about my new coord and the felt dolls I commissioned

I felt so good wearing my new clothes! EGL euphoria…It’s truly so beautiful.

The next day I decided to go out with my new coord. I was surprised how beautiful and sunny and warm it was outside. I didn’t even need to wear my fleece tights. I felt a little nervous for some reason. Probably because it was the first time after a while that I go out without a coat covering up my coord. I didn’t go far just the little garden down the hill, I really wanted to record clips with my new coord, I also brought Kaiji with me of course

There were two girls sitting across from me, I felt their eyes on me but at this point I should be used to this plus It’s not good for me to assume the worst thing, so I just focused on what I came to do

When I finally sat down, one of the girls approached me, she complimented me and asked where I got my clothes from. I got really excited and explained everything to her! After a bit she came back with a whole pack of cookies. I was hesitating because there was so much left inside but she insisted on giving them to me

At that point I realized the universe was trying to help me out

My mental health had been in a horrible state the previous days and I was genuinely wondering how I could keep going, I needed to hold on a little longer

I wasn’t out for long, but that day felt incredible, I really needed this

I also got a lot of lovely compliments from my friends on Instagram when I posted my new coord on Instagram…

At that point I was thinking maybe life is worth living. I need to keep chasing and looking forward to these beautiful moments

I’m having some troubles with uni assignments, but I don’t feel like writing about that

bye

20/04/26
selfie from my laptop
I wanna take more of these

Picture of the week - week 4

Another quiet week passed, I haven't done anything major. I got really stressed and depressed at one point cause I'm trying really hard to save money for a new phone screen. I was actually writing a blog about my budgeting plans and everything went well until Kela took my last 30€. I had only a few cents of available money (the rest were my savings for the Kaiji fumo)

But then my mom miraculously sent me money, I didn't expect her to do it so early. I thought she'd do it sometime after buying my return ticket. Bless her...I thanked the Chiikawa money shrine too, I already believed in it wholeheartedly but my faith is even stronger now (I wanna think of ways to expand it)

Im gonna paste in my blog draft from last week:

I’m having a lot of money troubles right now… I don’t mind being unemployed I love my excessive free time so much and it isn’t so bad because mom and dad send me money

But troubles keep finding their way towards me. Constantly

I always end up overcoming everything…I think that’s one of my strong points, but it gets to a point…

I’m exhausted and tired of always having problems

Currently my main phone’s screen is broken and honestly unusable. It’s been broken for a long time now

First I fell down some stairs in Tracon 2025, my phone flew in the air and a part of the screen on the right went all black and the coloring went all whiteish

Then it shattered on my way to Desucon Frostbite, I forgot it was on my lap, the screen broke and black spots appeared all over but that was still manageable

The screen was already very weak at this point, but I could still use my phone. Getting the screen replaced wasn’t a priority and I thought about telling my parents later. (in fact I was hiding my broken screen for a long time from my parents but that ended seeing, he didn’t comment but that made me really mad)

Now during our Hesburger trip at Tampere Kuplii my phone mysteriously slipped off my lap, it shattered again and the screen is full of vertical lines and obstruct nearly all visibility,

I don’t understand what the heck is this con curse???

When I first checked the price of a screen replacement it was 100€ but today it’s down to 80€ which I'm really happy about. I’m too scared to ask my parents for money. Dad is scary and mom is trying to buy my return ticket from our Paris trip so I’m trying really hard to save up the monthly allowance dad gives me

I did some groceries the other day and I currently have 7,84€ to survive ‘till the end of the month. If I can pull this off I could get my screen replaced when I receive the money from Kela.

Of course I’m hoping for a miracle to happen between this time frame, especially with my Chiikawa money shrine, please bless me again…

I have 75€ saved up that I absolutely cannot touch. That money is reserved for the Kaiji fumo commission. I have no Idea when I’ll need to pay for the doll but I’d rather have the money available at all times.

In the future I’m gonna re-read this blog post and think about how dumb I am…

A miracle did happed. Good for her. Let's hope the future goes well.

Okay now to the main subject, the picture of the week

I started yumeshipping with princess peach too. I slowly started to like her ever since I bought this plushie from Kitsunecon (originally a gift for my little sister, but I took it back cause she has so many toys already...) I was attached to Peach the moment I brought her home and already started to like her.

I was thinking about yumeshipping with Peach and I made it official cause I wanted to encourage a twin on tiktok to start yumeshipping too! I haven't written any lore yet but for my self insert I was thinking I'd make myself a fairy 

10/04/26 09:48

I was looking at Princess Peach fanart with Peachie and Kaiji and I found this one korean person on twitter who draws her so beautifully omg. Then we ran into a little Peach plushie, immediately I grabbed my digicam and I was like "I want this to be the picture of the week"

This is so cute I can't...!!!

Hopefully the following weeks I'm able to take outdoorsy pictures too. I don't have anything planned but yeah...

P.S. I got a message from the doll maker, they have an important exam and need to focus on their studies during this month of April. I mentioned my Paris trip and that I'd love to take Kaiji along with me. They said that the doll will be done within May. Genuinely don't fucking do this to me please....bye now...